So I have been MIA for over a week now but I do have a good reason, I've moved house! (and had no internet) I now live in the middle of nowhere, and it's not that I do not like it here but I have been here over a week now and it still doesn't feel like home one bit. I still find myself longing to go home to my old house and I really don't like this feeling.

I thought I would just talk about that feeling of uncertainty and not being able to feel at home anywhere.
From a young age not only I moved from house to house but I moved countries, leaving loved ones behind and having to start over. Even though I have been experiencing this from the time I was a little girl, it still does not make anything less difficult. I grew up the most in my old house as I was there from ages eleven until eighteen so I kinda got used to the place and it felt safe to me; but there was plenty of times where I felt like a stranger in my own house and in my own life.

Taking it back to 2011, I was fourteen and I got a chance to go and visit old family friends in the States and from that moment when I stepped of the plane onto America - there was a feeling inside of me going like "Welcome Home" and I honestly cannot explain it. Just being in America felt so normal and familiar to me even though it was the first time I went there. Anyway after a few weeks it was time go to back to England and I hated it because I could not recognise my own house or my own room and I could get settled for over two months. Anyway as time went on I eventually got used to it and then last year I had to fly back home home where I am originally from - Lithuania and I was only there for a week but I managed to connect with so many people that made going back to England impossible. So once again I felt lost and longing back to home, to realising that this was my home, yet it felt the opposite. It took me over half a year to finally get settled into my house only to move to a whole another town, leaving my friends and family. Once again I feel completely out of place, and I don't know where I belong.

Which brings me to my point, it is amazing how people can get attached to others so much, distorting their reality, how this feeling of not belonging anywhere can make you feel like a stranger in your own life and the lengths people are willing to go to feel happy again.