Eager to get some experience in ‘my field’ of marketing and media, one day I stumbled upon this advert for a Marketing and Events Sale Assistant job which didn’t require 5 years of past experience, none at all actually, so I went ahead and applied. Immediately I got a response back to come for a meet and greet. Unknowingly I met the founder of the company and he seemed really impressed how motivated and ambitious I was, so I moved on to the next level and had to attend an all day induction. 

I was told that it would be from 9am to 6pm, and after 6pm I was free to go home. 

So I turned up looking all smart at 9am to their office (which frankly looked like someone's house, a very mediocre one) and after filling out some forms, and waiting for a long time I met my mentor, and the two young guys he was working with and teaching. We then took the tube and DLR to Lewisham where they were holding their ‘event’. Now no-one had previously told me what their events were, turns out it was one of them things where you have a gazebo and you stand in the middle of a shopping centre selling pointless shit to people walking past. Oh but noooo, we were outside the shopping centre, and even though it was July, it was freezing cold and raining, and I was in the worlds thinnest top and blazer, no-one had told me that from 10:30am to 6pm I would have to sit outside and observe them whilst completing a bunch of useless tasks. (Well not completely useless, I’ll come back to that later). Anyway, so they set up their old and broken gazebo, but it was so windy that it kept falling apart, and my mentor instructed me to go sit on a bench in the rain and watch what they do. I thought fine, whatever. I sat for about an hour and a half in the cold, rain and wind and was questioning everything, and the way that they were working was so patronising. Like, a person would walk by, they would approach them and the customer said they weren’t interested but they would still follow them and persist… and I’m sorry for being a bitch but whenever sales people approach me I tell them nicely that I’m not interested, but if they continue to follow me I just tell them to fuck off. Anyway, I wasn’t a fan of the job to say the least. 

At that point, my mentor probably took pity on me and let me go sit in Burger King where I could complete my tasks that he set, they were:

Where do you see yourself in the future

Why should we hire you

What can you bring to the company 

Create a 5 year plan for a business of your choice

15 of my strengths, and 5 of my weaknesses

30 ways to be successful 

Learn 5 stages of selling

Learn 8 steps to becoming successful 

And some more bullshit I can’t remember now… 

Well creating the business plan made me realise that I am more than capable of starting my own business by myself if I just worked my ass off, and all the other tasks just helped me to develop and actually put in effort into my answers for future job applications or interview questions, so I have all that ready, they just need a few tweaks, so that’s one positive that came out of this. 

So anyway, I was back in Burger King working on one of the tasks, and my mentor comes in for the so-called ‘lunch’ that I was promised. No it wasn’t a lunch, it was more of an attempt to brainwash me… I’m not kidding. 

So he explained the company to me and how it works. 

So when you first start our you’re in phase 1. This is basically where you stand and sell TalkTalk to people walking by, and it’s 100% commission, so if you’re unsuccessful, you’re screwed and probably homeless. 

But once you fulfil all the criteria which is pretty damn basic, you move up to phase 2, (which can take anywhere from 4 weeks to months.) Here you hold your own events and you’re a mentor to the new employees. 

Once you fulfil all the criteria you move on to phase 3 where you’re assistant assistant manager, honestly I don’t remember what you do there. 

Anyway, if you’re motivated and good enough you move on to phase 4, where you open up your own company, have a Bentley and make lots of money…… 

Now my mentor told me that it’s completely possible for me to reach phase 4 in 6-12 months. Thats right!!! I could have my own company with my own clients and drive a Porsche and earn a lot of money in only 6-12 months…. Sounds too good to be true? No, they reassured me many many many times that it’s completely possible. 

Now….. How many millionaires do you know that have started out selling TalkTalk in a run down shopping centre in Lewisham? Please enlighten me. So I did what any responsible mature adult would do, and called my mum. She was like “??? are you listening to what you're telling me? Do Not be an idiot, don’t do it” and I agreed. I was tempted to just go home, but no, I decided to stick around and see if they saw potential in me and whether I would officially get hired and what's next. 

So 6pm finally comes around and only just then LEAVE LEWISHAM to go back to the office… We go to the office and due to some issue everyone is locked out. So we stand outside of this house for about 40 minutes in the cold waiting for god knows what. Anyway, we eventually get in, fill out more forms and a quiz about what we learnt today blah blah, and hand it my forms. Now, my mentor was the only one to come back to me and make me change my answers to make me stand out… 

After more waiting I had my final interview with one of the managers. At this point I was tired, still cold, moody and just fed up, I didn’t want the job and didn’t have enough energy to even pretend I did. The manager told me that I didn’t look like I wanted this that much and I said I did it’s just that I had my doubts just because it was commission only and I was worried. He continued to tell me that if what they do wasn’t effective or successful would TalkTalk continue working with them? Now, if you were such a successful and an established business, would TalkTalk be your only client? But I kept my mouth shut. 

He left the room and came back, said he had his doubts about me because I didn’t look like I wanted it enough and he asked me how I would prove that I want this… This was the only time in my life where I was just speechless after an interviewer asked me a question, I just didn’t know what to say, and I don’t remember what ended up saying. 

Anyway, he left the room and came back again and then offered me the job. 

Then my mentor walked me out, I was forced to exchange phone numbers and I was due to come back Wednesday morning 7am to sign some papers and shit. Now he said he’d call me the next day to confirm. So I finally left the office after 8:40pm!!! And a few hours later got a text from some number saying they were excited to work with me. Wasn’t my mentor because I had his name saved so I don’t know who it was.

I didn’t reply. 

I didn’t go that Wednesday 7am. 

All day they made it seem like this was one in a lifetime opportunity, that it was such a competitive position, and also that they really wanted me. Bullshit. Just bullshit. 

Some red flags that I ignored from the start:

Their office looked like a house.

We had to take the tube to lewisham rather than company cars (pretty sure if you’re a successful company, they provide transport, no?) 

No bentleys parked outside the office either. 

They wanted me a little to eagerly. 

They were only selling TalkTalk and not doing a great job of it

So I learnt a lot that day… Surely it shouldn’t be legal taking advantage of naive young people promising them the whole world within 6-12 months and delivering nothing. 

And bless my poor mentor, he has similar dreams to me, live in New York, expensive car, own business, huge penthouse etc etc and he actually believes that this is the ONLY way to get that, and I told him that that there are other ways and he disagreed. 

So moral of the story, if it sounds too good to be true, it 100% is. Get out while you can. I never signed any documents or provided them with my passport/NI number so it wasn’t too late.

Oh and if anyone is curious what company this is - Citipeak Events